


This Mindset Maybe It's Right

by WandaHoya



Series: Something in Our Blood [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Black Family (Harry Potter) - Freeform, Eventual Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, POV Sirius Black, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 13:56:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15887397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WandaHoya/pseuds/WandaHoya
Summary: The marauders are on their second year. Sirius has his first crush. Something is going on with the Black family but no one is letting Sirius in on the secret.Mostly Sirius centered marauders’ era story, leading eventually to Sirius/Remus. Part of Something in Our Blood -serie but can be read as a stand-alone story.





	1. Make out and kiss hard

**Author's Note:**

> The main title and titles of the chapters are all taken from She Wants Revenge’s song Tear You Apart.

It was an early November evening, cold and so dark it almost felt ominous. It was Sirius Black’s 13th birthday. He was on a special leave from Hogwarts for he had an engagement party to attend. His own engagement party.

 

The whole Grimmauld Place had been glossed and polished for the event. Mrs Black had been distinctly snappy and very argumentative during the summer break when the preparations of the feast had peaked. It had been the worst summer Sirius Black had ever lived through.

“Ten more minutes and you’ll have a break,” Regulus Black emerged from the crowd to inform them like a perfect little servant of some sort. He was all eager and very devoted, probably because he knew that after a year and a half it would be his turn. When a Black wizard turned 13 it was time to get betrothed.

But at the moment Regulus was 11 years old and he had just started in Hogwarts couple of months ago. Regulus had made sure to cut his ear-long hair to a shorter cut before entering the school. He had explained that he was tired to be called _‘the brother of Sirius Black’_ or to hear that he and Sirius could be twins. And the short hair did suit him, Sirius had to admit, although he himself was very keen of his black silky hair that had reached over ears already. But despite of different haircuts it was very clear that they were brothers. When Sirius looked in his brother’s gray eyes he felt like he was staring at his own eyes. And weirdly, at the same time he was also staring at someone very different from himself. Sirius nodded to his brother and made a snarky comment about him being mother’s runner and watched his brother scoff and stalk away.

 

“I am so jealous of you two lovebirds,” cousin Narcissa said probably the tenth time that night, “I wish we could have had a party like this too.”

She was sipping her champagne glass and giving goofy smirks at Sirius. Sirius was standing in the middle of the drawing room side by side with his new fiancée while the guests came and went with their congratulations and advice for the young couple. Sirius shifted weight anxiously from one foot to another one. He was so ready for a break. Narcissa seemed to be a bit tipsy already, lisping a little. Sirius decided that soon he would be a bit tipsy too.

“Oh Cissy, don’t you worry! You’ll take it all back in your wedding then, right?” Deborah Burke, the future mrs Sirius Black, smiled at Narcissa. Sirius scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“I wouldn’t mind if I could’ve skipped the betrothal,” he said honestly.

“Oh Sirius. But if it was because of a morbid scandal your sister had made up and not your choice, you’d feel differently.”

“Cissy, you wouldn’t be marrying Lucius if your sister hadn’t caused a morbid scandal, may I remind you.”

Narcissa snickered and emptied the rest of her champagne glass while Deborah agreed with Sirius.

“Yes. Otherwise you would still be waiting to be engaged with Reg there,” Deborah Burke nodded towards Sirius’ little brother who was now surrounded by some Burke family members. They were probably inquiring details about the boy who would get the grand Burke manor, for the Burkes had only two daughters. The Burkes were the same kind of old-fashioned family as the Blacks that wouldn’t allow women to inherit.

“And my dear little sister would be without a fiance, Burke manor without a master. We all got something out of this, didn’t we?” She squeezed Sirius’ hand. Sirius smiled timidly back at her and yanked his hand free. He had complied with the betrothal but touching was off the limits.

 

Sirius admitted to himself that he could have done worse. At least he and Burke did come along alright. The Burkes were one of the families mentioned in _the sacred twenty-eight_ , which was practically the one and only marriage pact catalogue for his mother. It hadn’t come as a surprise to Sirius, that it was Deborah that was arranged to him. He was lucky not to get that vicious Bulstrode hag from Narcissa’s class or that nine years old Greengrass girl his mother had been eagerly scouting out. In the noble and most ancient Black family drama that sort of scenarios had also taken place. But once he and Burke would be back to Hogwarts they’d be continuing their separate lives. He living in Gryffindor tower and Burke in Slytherin dungeon.

 

“ _Mon cousin_!” Burke cried out and lunged forward to give shallow cheek kisses to someone. She took him by his hand and led him to Sirius and Narcissa. Sirius took a good glance at the guest. His skin was white as porcelain. It was an exciting sight, him standing next to dark skinned Deborah Burke, the cousins looked almost completely opposite excluding the disturbingly platinum hair they both had in common. He had a round face instead of Deborah’s pointy and sharp features, mischievous pale blue eyes and scarlet red plump lips. Fair as ice prince but something fiery inside him. Sirius felt oddly fascinated by this beautiful being. He offered his hand for a shake as Deborah introduced him.

“ _Enchanté_ ,” Sirius said with his best pronunciation and nodded towards him. Deborah Burke’s cousin nodded back at him, smiling his wonderful smile that lit up the whole grim drawing room. What a smile it was. By the looks the boy seemed about the same age as Sirius. The boys were staring at each other intensively while Deborah was going on about something. What, Sirius couldn’t care less. He barely noticed Narcissa leaving. He felt like enchanted and couldn’t help but to stare at those beautiful pale eyes. But the moment shattered when someone asked something in French and the cousin broke their eye contact.

“ _Excuse-moi_ ,” and with that the cousin left them and stalked in the middle of the crowd. Sirius couldn’t help but stare after him. That seemed to amuse Deborah.

“What’s on your mind, Sirius?”

“Huh? I just...I didn’t know you had any French cousins.”

“Oh you should know my mom’s a Beaufort,” Deborah sneered with a scolding tone but then continued with more pleasant tone: “ _Mon cousin_ is attending Beauxbatons. And I didn’t know you’re fluent in French, Sirius Black!” She wrapped her arm around Sirius’ arm. Sirius looked at it with a lifted brow, and jerked his arm free of her grip.

“I’m full of surprises, even for myself,” he said absentmindedly, trying to seek the Beaufort cousin from the crowd with his eyes but failing miserably.

 

Finally Sirius’ mother, mrs Walburga Black, sailed elegantly towards the young couple. She had a long black thick hair every other witch were constantly envying. For this occasion she had a tall hairdo that left her high Black cheekbones and her long delicate neck visible. She only dressed in black and had a flawless taste of garments, making her seem timeless yet dignified.

 

Today she had the pleasant, pleased expression on her pale face. It was the exact expression Sirius Black had hoped to see on his mother’s face his whole childhood. The rarely shared expression he had grown up with thinking it was a proof of his mother’s love and affection towards him. Once he was a little boy ready to do anything to see that pleased expression on his mother’s cold pale face. But after a year in Hogwarts he had started to have a pretty good idea what it felt like to be truly accepted as what he was. And it was all because of James Potter.

 

James Potter was the kind of lad Sirius hadn’t ever met before. He was funny but kind. Smart but still so easy-going. James was giving him smiles and looks full of acceptance every day. Even at the times when Sirius had screwed up, James hadn’t turned away from him but he had patiently been there for him, fully believing that Sirius would eventually get it right. On the summer vacation he had realized James was his best friend and he had felt miserable being separated from him for that long. They had sent owls nearly daily, but it wasn’t the same. Of course James had invited him to visit his home, but Sirius’ parents had been fussing about the betrothal and a visit to the Potters was out of the question. James also had insisted to be with Sirius on this day but Sirius had declined. It was too embarrassing to be engaged with someone your parents had chosen for you at the age of 13. All his Gryffindor classmates had been teasing him that it was like he was straight out of Victorian age. Which he probably would agree himself too if he dared to think about the matter.

 

“Sirius, Deborah. You are holding yourself gracefully,” Walburga Black smiled modesty at the young couple. Sirius smiled back at her, something that had happened quite rarely during the latest summer vacation, Sirius reflected. But the thought of it was quickly brushed away as Sirius saw the cousin of his betrothed at the doorway of the drawing room, his piercing blue eyes watching straight to Sirius. He didn’t try to hide his stare at all when Sirius’ gray eyes found his. His scarlet lips smiled and he held a halfly drunk champagne glass in his hand.

“You can call me Debbie, mrs Black,” Sirius heard Burke smirk at his mother, obviously waiting for permission to call her Walburga in return, or even worse, _mom_ or something. Sirius shifted his focus back to his mother and his bride, just in time to see the modest smile vanish from the face of Walburga Black. She was casting cold looks at poor Burke. Sirius chuckled.

“My dear mother doesn’t do nicknames.”

Walburga Black went on like she hadn’t noticed Deborah Burke had talked at all.

“You will have a break now. After thirty minutes we will continue with the program,” she talked slowly with her aristocratic tone. Then she inhaled and sharpened her look, “but naturally I am expecting you two to be back sooner and mingle around before that.”

“Okay, mother. We free now?”

 

Sirius quickly eluded Burke and grabbed two flutes of champagne from a tray on his way and hastened to the doorway where he thought he saw the fair cousin. He wasn’t there anymore. Sirius stepped into the stair landing, just in time to see the boy ascending the stairs, his magical eyes still watching Sirius, a little humour on his lips. He wanted Sirius to chase him, Sirius figured.

“ _C’est une chasse_ ,” Sirius said to himself, feeling excited for some unexplained reason. He gulped down the first glass of champagne, leaving the empty glass on top of the table he passed. He started to ascend the stairs. The door of his room on the top floor was open and he knew he’d find the cousin from there.

 

“ _Ca va_?” Sirius smirked while entering the room and closing the door behind. The fair boy was looking out of his window. He turned around and looked at Sirius with a look that made Sirius suddenly feel like someone had cast a jelly leg jinx at him.

“ _Ca va tres bien, merci_ ,” the cousin answered sounding alarmingly alluring. He stalked slowly to Sirius. He stopped a little too close to Sirius, taking the champagne glass from his hand at setting it aside on the mantelpiece. Then he placed his hands on Sirius’ cheeks and took a deep look in his grey eyes. Sirius felt butterflies in his stomach. Violent, reckless butterflies that were bumping all around in his gut like maniacs.

“ _Ca va?_ ” The boy asked, smiling, eyes locked into Sirius’ eyes. It was both weird and natural at the same time. No one had ever looked at him like that, he was feeling his gaze in his chest and hips and all the way down in his toes too.

“ _Oui, ca va,_ ” Sirius whispered and braced himself. The smile on the boy’s lips went wider, and he moved his other hand to the back of Sirius’ head, tilted his head a bit and pressed his lips to Sirius’.


	2. He just don’t know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is having a snog with the Beaufort cousin and a discussion with Bellatrix about her family planning.

They stood in the midst of Sirius’ room, lips locked. Finally the Beaufort cousin broke the kiss and drew back, but only to wrap Sirius’ arms around him, guiding Sirius’ other hand on his waist and the other one to his bottom. Sirius startled a little and the cousin took a grip of his chin and guided him into another passionate kiss. Sirius felt his scent enclose him and he inhaled him deeply, his hands touching needily his body. He smelled of cherries and champagne. After a while they broke up again to catch some breath.

They were just staring at each other and smiling. No words were needed. Sirius took a step backwards to be able to see him better. He was the most beautiful person he had ever seen and he would do anything for him. After Sirius had confessed that to himself he dared to take the next initial. He stepped closer and they wrapped their arms around each other and locked their lips again.

They were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door.  
“Sirius, what’s keeping you?” It was Regulus’ impatient and irritated voice. The boys drew apart, their lips glistering from saliva and cheeks flushed from excitement. They were still looking at each other in the eyes when Regulus pushed the door open.  
“Mother wants...oh...I didn’t realize you had company. My apologies for the both of you.” Regulus bowed his head and politely looked the other way. He clearly understood he had walked in the middle of something.  
The cousin finally took his eyes off Sirius and gazed at Regulus friendly.  
_“Ça ne fait rien,”_ he said. Offering one last smile he proceeded to the door. When he passed Sirius he let his hand brush against his. It send a million jolts right up the spine of Sirius Black.

When Sirius turned to face the door, the mystical guest was gone and only Regulus was staring at him, looking puzzled, but not asking questions. That’s how their family rolled, they didn’t ask questions if they were not sure about the answer.  
“Our mother wants me?” Sirius asked after he had gathered himself and noticed that Regulus didn’t proceed with anything. His little brother was still standing in the doorway and looking awkward. Sirius took the champagne the cousin had landed on his mantelpiece and downed it with one gulp.  
“Mother wants you to mingle,” Regulus finally found his voice.  
“She told we had 30 minutes,” Sirius argued timidly.  
“No, she told you to mingle.”  
“Alright then,” Sirius said, inhaling one more time deeply hoping to catch the last of the cherry champagne scent of the cousin.  
“Let’s mingle then.”

The last of the engagement party was torment. Sirius was able to see a glimpse of the cousin every now and then but there was no chance to talk with him. Besides it was not talking he wanted. He wanted a look, a smile, a touch, a kiss...Sirius felt like a dog that was begging for something sweet but cruelly being denied everything. The cousin didn’t even glance at his way. His indifference was pure torture.

“Little Blacky!” It was the low, husky voice of his eldest cousin Bellatrix Lestrange. Her presence seldomly made Sirius feel any better. Bellatrix had those same dark, lustrous curls her little sister Andromeda had, except Bellatrix’s hair was black as midnight, just like Sirius’. She also shared the Black cheekbones and the haunting eyes that were now inquiring Sirius under her heavy eyelids.  
“Bella,” Sirius answered smiling his strained smile that was reserved only for his relatives he couldn’t care less. He lifted his champagne glass to toast hers, eyeing her warily behind his artificial smile.  
“Such a crowd here. Did our engagement party have this much guests? Did even our wedding? I tell you cousin, this is madness!” She waved her hands over her head wildly while grinning like a maniac. Bellatrix’s expressions were always a bit over the top. She was completely opposite of Sirius’ mother and Bellatrix’s youngest sister Narcissa, who were both always reserved and very guarded. Bellatrix was loud and rambling by her nature and she seemed to draw the attention easily on herself.  
“Yeah, that’s me, the fucking rock star of the family,” Sirius sneered, suspecting that his cousin wanted something out of him. Bellatrix being nice to him always raised some suspections. Actually she had tormented him, Regulus and even her own little sisters right from their early childhood.  
“How is it going in Hogwarts, young Gryffindor?” She scorned.  
“Quite nice actually. Love to torture those dumbass Slytherins while at it,” he let out a light laughter. With a sharp movement she took his chin between her fingers. She and her dramatic antics, Sirius thought in his mind.  
“ _Au contraire mon charmant cousin,_ aunt Walburga wanted to ship you to Durmstrang.”  
“Yeah, and Narcissa probably prevented me from transferring to Durmstrang.”  
“She didn’t prevent anything,” she scoffed, letting go of his chin, “it was me. I told your dear mommy that you are more valuable near us in Hogwarts, recruiting young Gryffindors to our army while my dear sister was plotting how to bed Malfoy. Her only wish is to breed with that cretin, she bears no interest in important matters.”  
“And there was I thinking you were fond of Lucius,” Sirius saw the opportunity to steer the conversation out of himself and took it gladly, even if it meant chattering about tedious Lucius Malfoy.  
“Of course I am, we are the two dearest of friends on a very important mission. But he is a bit slow, isn’t he? And that voice of his,” she shook her head and made a morbid imitation of Lucius Malfoy’s nasal tone. The cousins chuckled together.  
“But Cissy and Lucius, they seem to be genuinely affected to each other,” Sirius noted, gesturing towards them. Lucius held his arm around Narcissa’s waist leaning towards her ear to whisper something, obviously smiling against her ear. Narcissa listened and giggled and then closed him into a passionate embrace that probably would have ended up in a kiss if they had been somewhere else. Although Sirius still carried a bitter grudge against Narcissa for meddling with Andromeda’s life, for some reason Sirius felt like he needed to defend Narcissa from their family. Maybe it was because of Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin, who both had made an excellent point that in the end it was Sirius' mother and his his cousins’ father who had forced Andromeda and his muggle boyfriend to run, not Narcissa. And Sirius had to admit that Narcissa and Regulus had always been the softer ones of the Black cousins. He and Andromeda were protecting them when they were children, standing up against Bellatrix’s bullying.

Bellatrix scoffed and told that she was getting drinks to them. Sirius gladly took a moment of peace by himself. He turned to take a glance at the Black family tapestry on the wall of the drawing room. Andromeda Black, who was nowadays Tonks, had been recently blasted away for marrying the muggle-born she ran away with. The Malfoys too had been furious, resting only after Narcissa was promised to Lucius instead of Andromeda. And that left Regulus free for the Blacks to suggest a double marriage pact deal to the Burkes, who had nearly promised their eldest daughter to some other pureblood family already. So everything was settled, the pawns laid on the gameboard ready to marry and breed more pure-blood tokens while the tapestry waited for the new generation of Blacks to appear. The thought sickened Sirius.

“Shouldn’t you Bella be having a bun in the oven already?” Sirius asked still inspecting the tapestry when Bellatrix came back with a glass of firewhiskey for him. He accepted the glass she offered him continuing:  
“Aunt Druella whines about the lack of grandchildren all the time nowadays. Just look at our sad tapestry. Do something, Bella,” he teased.  
He noticed Bellatrix hadn’t taken a new drink for herself and started to count how many he had drank already. He knew Bellatrix had the habit of make others drink too much in order to get something out them. Laughs, if not anything else.  
“Not until the war has been fought and all the mudbloods vanished,” Bellatrix boomed, having suddenly a weird gleam in his eyes. That made Sirius frown.  
“I actually learned in Hogwarts that the m-word is an unacceptable term,” he confronted her while estimating that he was still fit to have one firewhiskey.  
“An unacceptable term? Merlin’s balls Sirius, have you hit your head? Mudbloods are unacceptable! Don’t you believe those gryffindors! You know half-bloods never understands our kinds truly. But we must bear with them for they are important tool for the cause. The Dark Lord himself said that.”  
“I see,” Sirius answered warily, taking a small sip of his firewhiskey and fighting against the grimace the strong taste and hot burn in his throat were trying to force on his face.  
“Oh cousin, what do we have left when all the magical blood has been diluted with mud?”  
“The genetics don’t work like that, cousin…”  
“Oh but they do! Our blood is our primary weapon! The witch-hunts are bound to be here again, are you gonna leave your and your darling Debbie’s children exposed to the filthy mud?”

Sirius was starting to see why Andromeda had called Bellatrix a fanatic in her last letter. He just shook his head and told his cousin that he needed to use the bathroom. But Bellatrix grabbed his wrist and with her eyes glowing madly she whispered:  
“Little Blacky, we are in a war.”  
What war, Sirius thought in his mind. He knew things were a bit restless at the moment in the wizarding world but it didn’t feel like war. He had learned that wars were filled with battles and lots of sudden dead people and the ministry would declare some kind of a state of emergency. None of that was going on, Sirius knew.  
“You either win or extinct. Which do you prefer, Sirius?”  
“Equal rights to all humans,” Sirius said instantly, remembering fondly a discussion with his housemate Peter Pettigrew last Spring at Hogwarts, when Peter had confronted him and given him a good scold about his arrogance and ignorance. Sirius couldn’t help but notice that Peter had a dangerous talent to make him change his mind about things.

But the words made Bellatrix burst into an annoying laughter. Sirius tried to yank his wrist free but she kept a firm grip of it. Even when his fiancée arrived with their uncle Alphard Black.  
“Sirius! Your bride is absolutely charming! Great find this one,” his uncle boomed smiling, “haven’t seen your grandfather Pollux this content since he discovered he loved corn flakes.”  
Deborah Burke was beaming beside him. She seemed to absorb every compliment-like thing any of the Blacks threw at her direction, even when it was a snarky comparison with cereals.  
“You can thank my dear mother for her excellent choice,” Sirius smirked sarcastically towards his uncle, who offered a sympathizing smile in return. Such compassionate gestures were a rarity in Black family.

“Debbie,” Bellatrix said after uncle Alphard had excused himself and vanished to the crowd, “oh lovely Debbie-darling.”  
It was the alarming teasing voice of Bellatrix, thick with scornful tones, but Deborah seemed to be too eager to please Bellatrix Lestrange herself to notice it. Sirius sighed inwardly wondering what was it why girls in his age were idolizing his eldest cousin. Also his Gryffindor housemate Mary Macdonald seemed to read every piece of garbage that was written of Bellatrix in witches magazines and Daily prophet’s gossip pages. Sirius grimaced at the thought of it while still trying to get rid of his cousin’s wrist grip.  
“We were just talking about the safer world for your little brats,” she said venomously, patting Burke’s stomach like she was pregnant already, pulling Sirius wrist while he tried to yank it free.  
“Oh you were?” Deborah said both surprised and pleased, wrapping her both hands around Sirius’ waist like trying to ensure he couldn’t wriggle his way out this time.  
“Yes we were. Remember Debbie, our pure blood, it’s our main weapon. I’m afraid my forgetful cousin needs to be reminded about everything important nowadays,” Bellatrix finally let go of Sirius’ wrist, “men are like that, aren’t they?” She locked her mad stare at Burke. Sirius was now eyeing daggers at his cousin while trying to desperately get rid of Deborah’s grip.  
“Yes, they are. But I will remind him,” Deborah nodded fervently, seemingly oblivious to every hidden undertone there was. She didn’t understand it at all, but this was the Black family chat. Dark undertones, speaking in riddles and sneers.

“Oh and love birds,” Bellatrix suddenly changed her voice to a lighter singing tone, “you know Amadeus Mulciber? Be nice to him, do you hear me? His father has been raised into a very important position. I want you two to make friends with him while at Hogwarts, everyone will be needed when the Dark Lord decides it’s time to move,” Bellatrix eyed the nearly untouched firewhiskey glass Sirius was still holding.  
“Are you not drinking that?” she asked unbelievingly.  
“I think I had enough already,” Sirius said, adding in his mind that Deborah Burke had chained him that good he wasn’t able to move his arms at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"Our blood is our primary weapon"_ this is an actual quote from a rascist nationalist extreme right propaganda flyer I saw at the town one day. 
> 
> _"--Sirius still carried a bitter grudge against Narcissa for meddling with Andromeda’s life--"_ in the previous part [All I Believe And All I've Known](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100667/chapters/35014934) Narcissa's doings unfold and the chapter 4. _Blinded by the lights_ gives a good description.


	3. Pray it all away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in Hogswarts things do not proceed the way Sirius had imagined.

Sirius was leaning against the wall in the Great Hall, watching pupils to wander in and take seats at the breakfast tables. The soft hum of conversations, the clinging sound of dishes and the smell of bacon filled the air. Sirius felt like his brain had swollen and didn’t fit in his skull anymore. He closed his eyes.

“Fucking champagne,” he murmured to himself, rubbing his temples.

 

“Good morning lover,” he heard Deborah Burke’s voice suddenly next to him. He opened his eyes and looked very irritated to see her, her three Slytherin girl friends, Daemon Avery and that insufferable Amadeus Mulciber standing in front of him.

“I’m not your lover,” Sirius grunted back instead of a greeting. 

“Oh dear. Want me to heal your headache? I’m so proud of you, knowing to stop drinking before you were wasted,” she said annoyingly, like it was her business to be proud of his doings. It was even more annoying when she turned to her girl friends and sounded like bragging:

“Sirius actually refused to drink even though it was  _ Bella _ who offered it!” 

The girls gasped and looked at Sirius in admiration. Sirius rolled his eyes and kept on grunting.

“Congratulations for the engagement, mate! Debbie says you two had a pretty good party yesterday,” Mulciber tried his luck and patted Sirius on his shoulder. Sirius slapped the hand away.

“I’m not your mate, Mulciber.”

Burke tutted. 

“Sirius! Remember Bella’s words last night. We should be friendly, everyone’s needed,” she hissed between her teeth, probably thinking that others didn’t notice she was scolding her fiancé.

“I’m heading to the table,” Avery said impatiently. Sulking Mulciber joined him and Burke ushered her girlfriends to follow them.

“I need to change few words with my betrothed.”

Sirius grimaced at the word but couldn’t deny it. They weren’t lovers but they definitely were betrothed. Their parents had even drawn a contract on a parchment about it and signed it. 

 

“So, Sirius,” she started, “how do we handle this?” 

Sirius lifted an eyebrow.

“Handle what?”

“You being a Gryffindor.”

Sirius blinked at her. She shifted her weight from one foot to another, growing impatient.

“We should eat together. Hang out together. Later on...we should even  _ sleep  _ together.”

Now it was Sirius’ turn to shift his position nervously. He was feeling awful. His first thought was pure _HELL_ _NO_ and the second that he was quite sure Andromeda didn’t do any of these with Lucius Malfoy even though they were engaged for years and both were Slytherins.

“Debbie...I agreed to be betrothed with you, not to live my life with you...we go on separate ways when we are of age,” he said solemnly, thinking that Burke would be relieved to hear this and agree fiercely with him. She could go on and have the proper Slytherin boyfriend she wanted. 

 

But one look at Deborah Burke’s reddening face made him think again.

“Sirius Orion Black,” she said with a tone so cold it reminded him of his mother,

“I didn’t ask to be betrothed with you. I didn’t ask any of this - but, I do admit, I was thrilled to hear that I was going to marry Sirius Black. Or more importantly, that  _ I  _ am going to become a mrs Black. And not just any mrs Black but _ the _ mrs Black, married to the heir. Who would’ve thought! Only in my wildest day dreams maybe.”

“If it’s my name you’re after I gladly --” Sirius tried to atone but Burke didn’t give him chance as she continued:

“But what I had planned, is that when I’m engaged I’m in love. I eat with my love, I hang out with my love, we hold hands, kiss, make love...you know. And since now we are engaged we--”

Now Sirius just had to stop her talking. He didn’t want to hear anymore.

“I am sorry Debbie, I truly am. You see I didn’t ask for this either. I am of course really grateful it’s you that I’m engaged with and not Eloise Greengrass or Natalia Bulstrode but you have to understand that I do not have any room for a girlfriend in my life at the moment. You could maybe think to search a lover outside our relationship? And let’s keep this formal, kind of like for our parents sake? How about that?”

 

Before she could answer to his suggestion Sirius saw his friends stroll in and in a second he forgot he was in the middle of something with Deborah. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were walking few steps behind James Potter, who was looking like he was in love with himself. His strides were easy-going, his presence just a little sloppy, enough to make him look interesting but not to give a scruffy appearance. His hair had grown absolutely wild during the summer, like a black cloud of curls and all the girls always wanted to touch them. James flashed a wide grin to some Ravenclaw girl. On the very first day of their second semester Sirius had wondered, where James had gotten that crazy amount of self-confidence and still after couple of months Sirius hadn’t gotten used to it. James Potter was such a macho.

“Smug prick! He should be looking for me,” Sirius mumbled aloud smiling, earning an interrogative glance from Deborah.

“I need to go. Have a nice day, Burke,” Sirius hastened, thinking he should have wished for a nice week or month or maybe even the rest of the Autumn semester for her because he planned to stay out of her reach for now.

 

Sirius followed the three boys to the table, patting Remus’ back before seating beside him.

“Not all of us get all sick when they visit home you see,” he grinned at Remus, who let out a dry pretentious laugh.

“Hah hah, how funny Sirius. Maybe I could have your notes regarding the matter so I could do it right next time and not have a migraine,” he quipped back. Peter was staring intensely at their change of words.

“So, you are a man now, congratulations,” James bellowed across the table, clapping his hands together just to get more attention. James’ voice too had changed during the summer. It was lower than before. It was oddly fascinating for Sirius to listen to him talking.

“Are you finally revealing who’s your future wife?”

Sirius grimaced at James. He didn’t care to talk about his engagement. At least not in the presence of other Gryffindors. Sirius knew his friends couldn’t stand Deborah Burke. It was actually Burke’s own doings, because she didn’t even try to be nice with them. She had called Lupin poor, hexed Peter and annoyed James, just to name something. No wonder the Gryffindors were pretty much in open war with her and the Slytherin second graders who were always trailing her.

 

“No one,” Sirius said and stuffed his mouth quickly with bread and coffee hoping that the conversation would change into something else.

“Is she attending Durmstrang then?” Remus asked and Sirius caught himself hoping Lupin would’ve had one of those bad days, when he either slept or was on the verge of falling asleep instead of being brisky and all about intrusive questions. But to Sirius’ dismay Lupin looked very healthy, his green eyes glimmering with energy that was usually reserved only for professors on their lessons. Sirius shrugged and stuffed more bread and coffee in his mouth.

“You don’t know?” Pettigrew frowned suspicious. 

 

“Oh Godrick!” Mary MacDonald shrieked suddenly. She was holding a copy of Witchcraft Today gossip magazine. There right in the front cover was a picture of grunting Sirius fixing his falling hair back behind his ear, next to him standing Deborah Burke, smiling and waving like she was some kind of royal bride. An orange headline screamed: 

_ “The Black heir engaged.” _

 

James spluttered his porridge back to the bowl. Lily Evans peeked at the cover and frowned.

“Burke, seriously? Didn’t know you fancy her.”

Now Sirius was regretting his full mouth and his inability to participate the discussion. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” James said sounding like Sirius had betrayed him somehow. His low voice had an unintentional high peak, something that seemed to happen when James was upset.

“I was guessing you to go for that Bulstrode girl from your cousins’ class,” Mary continued rambling while opening the magazine for the article, “I thought that Avery and Burke were kind of an item, you know.”

The conversation carried on wildly while he was trying to chew and swallow his mouthful of bread as quickly as possible, wondering how to produce a spell for these kinds of situations.

“Yeah Sirius, who would’ve thought you’d had feelings for that vicious witch,” Marlene McKinnon shook her head too. Finally Sirius was done with his bread.

“I most certainly do not! We’re just betrothed!” Sirius corrected immediately, like that would explain everything.

“Sev tells me she’s an absolute monster, teases many Slytherins also,” Lily continued not minding about Sirius, “how fitting of Sirius Black to marry a girl like her.”

“I’m not marrying her, I tell you!”

Lily Evans hadn’t cleary forgotten their first train trip to Hogwarts over a year ago, when he and James had a conflict with Lily’s best friend, snivelling Slytherin Severus Snape. Evans had hold a grudge against Sirius and James ever since.

 

“It’s not like Sirius had anything to say to this,” Remus Lupin said quietly in his defence.

“Yes, thank you Lupin. Did everyone hear him? I can repeat anyway IT’S NOT LIKE I HAD ANYTHING TO SAY TO THIS!” 

“Well you could’ve said no,” Lily challenged peering over Mary’s shoulder to read the article. Evans didn’t understand, Sirius thought bitterly.

“Yeah, look how well that worked out for my runaway-disowned cousin who lives in exile fearing for her life at the moment,” Sirius answered dryly before he accioed the magazine to him and after a quick angry glance at the article he cast a burning spell to it.

“Hey! It was mine!” Mary objected.

“I know but I won’t hold it against you this time,” Sirius answered coolly. 

 

Suddenly he wasn’t feeling hungry at all. He was angered by the fact that his friends thought he liked Deborah Burke, but also haunted by the thought that Deborah probably wouldn’t have chosen him if she’d gotten chance to choose. Even though she liked the cling of Black surname. But they all did. Sirius didn’t have any idea what he would have chosen if granted the freedom.

 

No, he did have an idea. He excused himself from the table and with a quick pace he exited the Great Hall.

 

The Beaufort cousin of the Burkes would be Sirius Black’s chosen one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Deborah Burke called Remus a beggar in [The Price for Our Minds](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469) chapter [6.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469/chapters/34679585)  
> She attacked Peter in [ All I Believe and All I've Known](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100667) chapter [5.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100667/chapters/35414241)  
> And James has been annoyed by Burke (in addition to both cases above) in the chapter [ 8.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469/chapters/34889765) of The Price for Our Minds.


	4. It was making him crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Sirius sits down to sort his mind out, he falls on the floor and gets a new acquaintance.

Castles are great school buildings for those who want to skive off lessons. Hogwarts was full of all kinds of corridors that were seldomly used, forgotten rooms and hidden cupboards. Today Sirius was slouching in an abandoned toilet, sitting next to sinks on the counter, sulking. Usually he had James or Peter with him when he skipped classes but today he wanted to be alone.

 

He watched his reflection in the dusty mirror. His gray eyes were staring back at him with a puzzled look. He gave a pinch at his pale white cheek. He didn’t feel like he was gay. Not that he thought that he would recognize a homosexual person by taking some skin between his thumb and index finger and giving a nip. He just honestly didn’t feel like gay inside him. He wasn’t interested in other boys.

 

He wasn’t interested in girls, either.

 

But this one boy. And only this boy. This one boy who could be partly Veela for all Sirius knew. At least all the feelings the boy had stirred up in Sirius felt like some sort of weird sorcery. Like someone had cast a spell on him that made him feel funny inside.

“Why the fuck is my mind so weird,” he yelled out loud, like requiring answers from his reflection. He flinched when he actually got an answer to his question.

“You’re Sirius Black, you must be special. Mind and all.”

Sirius startled so much he fell from the counter and hit the hard tile floor.

“Oh I am sorry! Usually I am very happy when I manage to hurt people who are disturbing me but you are absolutely adorable to watch and I can not ever forgive myself if something happened to your beautiful features.”

Sirius was still on the floor, thinking that his mirror image was the most smuggest being he had ever countered. In addition, his reflection spoke with an annoying little girl’s voice. Which was devastating for Sirius was eagerly waiting his voice to lower like James’ had.

 

Luckily it wasn’t his or his reflection’s voice. Suddenly a ghost girl appeared floating in the air beside him. Sirius tried not to show his surprise, although falling on the floor with a loud thud might have given that away already.

“Yes, I am Sirius Black. With whom do I have the pleasure to talk with?”

Sirius was uncertain was this the kind of occasion to use the tone of well-bred brats or not. He kind of like felt it was more of a casual situation, him lying on the floor of a toilet, chatting with a ghost who had been apparently spying on him. Then again, when meeting new acquaintances he had been taught to be polite and distant.

“You haven’t heard of me?” The ghost pouted. Sirius run through his memory and was quite sure all the ghosts that were usually bustling among students were much older.

“No, I’m afraid so. My apologies.”

“Oh it’s okay. No one cares about me. I’m Myrtle. And I’m dead.”

“Nice to meet you Myrtle,” Sirius said politely, resisting the urge to add that he figured at the very beginning that she wasn’t a breathing or solid being anymore.

Sirius stood up, dusting his robes and keeping his eyes at the ghost all the time.

“You okay?” The ghost worried,

“All the girls like you. And I just heard you have a girlfriend.”

Great, Sirius thought in his mind, that even the deads were talking about his sorry engagement arrangement.

“She’s not a girlfriend, Myrtle. We’re engaged.”  
“Ooh, so it must be true love!”

“It’s not! Just something our parents settled by themselves. But we don’t have to follow that. At least I am not going to,” Sirius assured, lifting his chin up a bit to emphasize his defiance.

The ghost girl watched him, not convinced.

“Why did your parents arrange it if you don’t have to marry each other?”

“Well Myrtle, it’s a good question. But trust me, I’d rather marry you.” The thought was a bit comforting. It wasn’t gay to marry a girl ghost but she wasn’t a girl-girl either. At least not anymore.

“Ghosts can not marry.”

“Bummer.”

 

They fell in silence. Sirius hopped back on the counter he had been sitting on. Myrtle was watching him moving.

“You seem so skinny although I hear you workout every morning. Is it because of the upcoming quidditch tryouts?” She asked, not bothering to hide the exploratory gaze she was eyeing Sirius with.

“No, actually. It’s just a habit my mother has been taught us to do. Me and my brother, you see. It should keep our mind free from obscene thoughts and mischieves,” Sirius said absentmindedly, pulling his sleeve up and measuring his bicep through the mirror. He surely was skinny despite of his strict routine.

“Oo, does it help?” Myrtle asked eyes wide.

“Not at all,” Sirius grinned playfully and looked at Myrtle’s eyes through the mirror.

“Why your mother then makes you do it?”

“My dear mother,” Sirius sighed letting the grin fade away. He pulled the sleeve down and turned on the counter to face the floating ghost,

“Her idea of upbringing is, that all the kids are born vicious and they need to be caned and tamed in order them to become proper wizards and witches.”

“I am so sorry Sirius. That sounds like your mother hates you.”

“Yeah. But I’m trying not to take it personally, my mother hates most of people.”

Sirius waved with his hand hoping the conversation about his mother was over. He was looking sadly at the tiles in the floor of the toilet. Of course it was nothing but personal. She was his mother after all.

“You seem so sad, Sirius Black.”

Sirius let out a dry laughter and lifted his eyes back to Myrtle.

“I’m not feeling sad, Myrtle, don’t you worry. Of course, my mother will consider me as a sad excuse of a Black when she learns I can not even heir right and just marry the girl who lusts after my name while I lust after…” He didn’t dare to speak aloud about the Beaufort cousin. But the ghost girl seemed to float on her place, eyes watching keenly at Sirius, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“Quite frankly, Myrtle, I wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t Black at all. It’s a stupid surname anyway, with quite heavy burden.”

 

Myrtle floated closer and patted Sirius on his shoulder with her ghost hand. It felt cold and wet.

“Black is a wonderful name! I am called the _moaning_ Myrtle although there’s no need for the moaning, if you ask from me. That’s a terrible name.”

Sirius figured the other one was trying to cheer him up and while the consolation itself was a bit weak stretch he appreciated the effort. He took his most engaging smile on his lips and tried his best to be sunny and chipper.

“I think ‘ _moaning’_ is pretty okay ghost name. It has a...hmmm poetic cling in it, doesn’t it?” Sirius offered. The moaning Myrtle didn’t look happy with his effort.

"It rhymes nicely with...gloating...no no I meant glowing! Yes, listen to this: _Moaning Myrtle, Glowing...turtle_...uh nevermind, I'm rusty today."

Sirius figured it was better to steer the conversation into new tracks.

“But have you heard of the shouting ghost in the shack in Hogsmeade? The older students talked about it. That is a terrible ghost name, I tell you.”

Myrtle snorted and lifted his nose up high. Crossing her arms in front of her chest she said:

“First of all, it’s called the _shrieking_ Shack, not shouting. Secondly _I_ have been around more than that and you didn’t know about me but you now of that! Now I’m offended.”

It seemed it was very wrong direction the conversation took. The ghost girl turned her back at Sirius. Sirius grimaced inwardly at her mood swinging but continued with a sugary voice:

“I’m so sorry Myrtle. Please tell me more about your stay in here...umm this toilet?”

The ghost didn’t turn back to face Sirius but at least she was talking.

“The Shrieking Shack being only started like a year ago. I’ve been here since June of 1943.”

“Wow Myrtle, that’s...impressive.” Sirius tried. That got Myrtle to turn around.

“You are forgiven, Sirius Black. Besides it sure isn’t a ghost in that shack. Ghosts do not shriek. It’s a poltergeist or something. You tell that to those older students before they ruin the reputation of us ghost.”

“Of course, Myrtle. That’s the least I can do.”

Myrtle offered him a smile for the first time during their weird conversation. Sirius felt like his moping in the abandoned toilet was done.

“Well then,” Sirius straightened up, “I think I better go. My friends are dying to know all the _facts_ regarding my engagement--” he didn’t get the chance to finish the sentence when Myrtle was mad at him, again.

“You just had to use that d-word, didn’t you. Oh don’t mind about the actual dead one, no, the d-word is for the living to use in their stupid metaphors.”

Sirius felt like he was quite done of apologizing the ghost. He just needed to get quickly out of the toilet.

“Well yes, Myrtle, the _d-word_ is powerful and good word to say among us livings. Thank you for this...well what ever this was and...erm...see you around, Myrtle.”

Now the ghost seemed to lighten up a bit.

“Do you mean you’ll come visit me again?”

“Err...yeah, I might. But don't hold your breath.”


	5. Repercussions when you're dating in school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The engagement of a Gryffindor and a Slytherin effects the whole class in some level. Peter confides about his speculations regarding Lupin.

“I have read the Daily Prophet today and a certain announcement caught my eye! I believe congratulations are in order!” Professor Slughorn boomed as he approached the Gryffindors and the Slytherins, who were waiting for their teacher to let them in to the classroom. It was their first joined class after Burke’s and Sirius’ engagement and both Gryffindors and Slytherins were still trying to figure out what the betrothal meant for the war between the houses. For once all the pupils had been sitting in silence instead of throwing insults at each other.

 

“Congratulations for your engagement! What a handsome couple you make!”

Horace Slughorn took a firm grip of Sirius’ hand to shake it well and hard.

“But of course I knew it in beforehands because your parents had to apply for your special leave! I would have probably been invited if the occasion wouldn’t have been an intimate family gathering,” he continued patting Deborah Burke on her shoulder, who seemed to look as uneasy as Sirius felt. They hadn’t had any chance to talk about the conflict they had yesterday morning in the Great Hall. Sirius didn’t have anything new to say so he was reluctant to continue their conversation.

“Now that we have this kind of happy occasion at our hands I believe a little rearrangement is needed, don’t you think?” The professor hummed as he let the students into his classroom.

“Mr Avery? Be so kind and leave that seat for mr Black. I am sure he wants to share his desk and cauldron with the future mrs Black.”

Both Sirius and Daemon Avery were staring at professor Slughorn. James was eyeing at Avery in horror, probably being afraid to be paired with him in Sirius’ absence. All in all Sirius’ three friends had taken the engagement quite well after Sirius had talked with them. But being forced to sit next to Avery was too much for James.

 

Sirius scoffed and looked at Deborah, who did no gestures of declining. Sirius sighed and answered.

“That is very kind professor, but I am quite sure my dear cousin Andromeda didn’t share her cauldron with her beloved Lucius when they attended the school together.”

“Yes, that is true. And you most certainly know how poorly that worked out with them,” professor Slughorn said with an uncharastically sour tone,

“But I am under the impression that nowadays each of them have adequate relationships at their own directions. But I promised to mrs Black to take care that you two lovelies won’t become estranged as in your poor cousin’s case…”

“Of course it had to be my dear mother,” Sirius grunted to James between his teeth.

Sirius knew he was defeated. By no means had he any intentions to embarrass Deborah by arguing about the change of the seatings. He took his bag and dragged himself next to her and offered a weak, conciliatory smile to her. She responded with a smug, victorious grin. Such a bitch.

 

Luckily for James Avery didn’t sit next to him but next to his fellow Slytherin Mulciber, who was sitting by himself at the row in front of Sirius’ and Burke’s desk.

“Thanks Daemon, nice to have you. Now I don’t need to do the assignments with that mudsection over there,” Sirius heard Mulciber say to Avery, gesturing towards one row ahead where Lily Evans was sitting with Severus Snape.

“Oi watch it, Mulciber,” Sirius kicked Mulciber’s seat in the back, earning hostile looks from both Avery and Mulciber, but neither of them cared to argue with him.

“Relax Amadeus,” Avery replied with a calm tone, “Lucius told us to be nice to Snape.”

“But he’s half--”

“Lucius says the Dark Lord accepts half-bloods, Amadeus. Get it into your thick skull already. It’s for the cause.”

Sirius was listening to them, remembering Bellatrix’s ramblings in their engagement party. Why it seemed that everyone else knew exactly what was going on but he was left out? Was it because he wasn’t a Slytherin? Was it because he sympathized openly cousin Andromeda? Sirius wasn’t sure but he needed to figure out and fast.

“Whatever, that bitch is still a genuine mud-blood,” Mulciber called and threw something at Evans. Professor Slughorn was fetching ingredients from his storage which presented perfect opportunity for bullying. Lily Evans turned slowly to face Mulciber and Sirius yelled from the back row.

“Shut up Mulciber as you’re complete shite yourself, trying to act like you’re something better than --”

“Stay out of it, my love,” Deborah Burke interjected and grabbed his hand with a surprisingly firm grip. Sirius shook it off and counted slowly to three in order not to argue about her calling him ‘ _her love_ ’.

“Hey Snivellus, aren’t you gonna defend her?” James called out to Severus, who didn’t even turn to look.

“Of course not, he’s such a wimp,” Sirius answered loudly to James and continued, “Evans, you deserve better!”

That made Mulciber to burst out in big laugh and Lily Evans to eye daggers at Sirius.

“Sirius, shut your face already!”

“Oi Evans, he was only defending you!” James bellowed now, just in time for professor Slughorn to return back.

“Such an ungrateful harpy she is, isn’t she?” James continued, not noticing that the teacher had gotten back.

“What is the meaning of this? Potter, calling names in my class? Who wants to give an explanation? I see, no one tells. Well I'll take 5 points from Gryffindor then because of this. Then, let’s take our books and turn the page 67.”

 

“Fuck you Evans,” Sirius snapped when Lily hastened past him after their potion lesson was done.

“Aren’t you a bit harsh to her?” Lupin asked as the four boys were slowly making their way up the stairs from the dungeons.

“I was defending her when Amadeus started to call names at her! Why is it so hard to understand?”

“It’s easy for you to say. You’re like the prince of darkness of the family Avery’s and Mulciber’s parents have admired their whole life. Lily is like the lowliest human form for them in the wizarding world - well maybe after non-human breeds and half-breeds, obviously,” Peter explained swiftly. He probably had spent the whole lesson cooking this explanation up and that was the reason he sucked in potions, Sirius distracted himself, feeling a bit sullen about that it had come to his being a Black again. Remus also seemed to shiver at something Peter had just said. Remus closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, but to Sirius’ annoyment he nodded agreeing with the mousy boy when he opened his eyes.

“Peter is right. From Lily’s point of view it’s better not to make waves. It’s personal for her. But you on the other hand...it’s not you who’s in question.”

“Are we back at this you're just too privileged to get it -shit?” Sirius asked gloomily, remembering back their first year when he and Remus had a massive fallout because Sirius didn’t quite get why blood status wasn’t fun theme to poke at, even if it involved getting Severus Snape into trouble. But this was completely the opposite - he was defending Evans from it. What he was now doing wrong?

 

“Sirius.”

Without turning Sirius knew it was Deborah Burke behind them, waiting for him to continue their argument that had started in the Great Hall yesterday. He had better things in his mind.

“Sorry Debbie, I promised to tutor Peter with his herbology assignments.”

And with that he grabbed Peter’s wrist and dragged the boy with him, running up the rest of the stairs into Entrance Hall and then up to the next floor and the next floor and still halfway through the next. Luckily the other boy didn’t resist but played along like a true mate should.

“Quite some lie to say that _I_ need tutoring _in herbology_ from _you_ ,” Peter said panting, out of breath from the long run.

“Sorry Pete,” Sirius said absent-mindedly, starting to climb the stairs up again although he was also exhausted. Deborah could be still after him.

“And thanks, Pete.”

“No prob.”

 

“Sorry I grabbed you,” Sirius apologised after they had stopped in the corridor near some ugly statue that was looking like a witch,

“Needed that escape. Deborah is making me crazy. And Lupin too. What is it with him, always a stick in his ass, isn’t it?”

“Yes, he’s a bit uptight sometimes,” Peter agreed, holding his chest. His heart hadn't calmed down yet.

“And a pretty snappy too,” Sirius added with a sulking tone.

“Yeah that too,” Peter admitted, then continued, “better watch it though how you talk about him even when he’s not present, he has a really good hearing, have you noticed?”

“Not particularly. On the contrary, I think he’s too obsessed with me being the bad guy he can’t believe his ears when I’m actually defending others from those Slytherin scum,” Sirius said bitterly.

“Extraordinary good hearing, to be honest. Do you recall the first evening on the first year,” Peter continued, not minding about Sirius’ ramblings,

“Remus was able to hear us through the door of the bathroom.”

“Hahah Peter, you’re fooling me. That’s not possible,” Sirius said shaking his head. He cast a curious look at Peter, a half smile on his lips. Peter was being weird today, he figured. He pulled his wand out of his pocket, fiddling it between his fingers and throwing it in the air every now and then.

“Yeah it isn’t. But he heard us. You were there too,” Peter insisted.

Sirius remembered their first night at the school. It was full of conflicted feelings about him being a Gryffindor instead of Slytherin. Yes, Remus Lupin had gone to the bathroom first, and the other three boys had started to talk about him. Sirius thought him to be weird already back then, and he suspected Lupin wasn’t impressed with their company. And Lupin had heard it and opened the door to tell them otherwise.

“Nice catch, Peter,” Sirius had to admit and he patted Peter on the shoulder,

“But maybe the door wasn’t really closed? Or if it was, it could’ve been some sort of spellwork?”

“Yeah, that’s what I also thought. I dared not to ask. But I swear he’s able to hear us sometimes from unbelievable distances. And I’ve been wondering...have you still been tracking full moons?”

“Oh Merlin Pete, I don’t deliberately _track_ full moons, I’m just aware of the moon cycle,” Sirius rolled his eyes. He had shared at some point, that his family’s odd fascination towards stellar things had been very much present in his childhood. He was pretty accurately aware when the moon was full or new, and he knew the constellations and planets and their movement in the sky.

“Remus goes somewhere every month. Quite punctually actually, haven’t you noticed?”

Sirius shrugged, while twirling his wand around his index finger. He wasn’t a guy to keep on track other people’s goings.

“Of course you haven’t,” Peter snorted. Sirius resisted the urge to hit the other boy for the remark, but patiently he waited him to continue. He also had a weird feeling about Remus’ sicknesses and disappearances.

“I’ve been checking out, it happens that he visits somewhere or gets these migraines always when it’s full moon. Sirius, I’m telling you, Remus Lupin has not slept ever a night of full moon in our dorm.”

“What are you saying, Pettigrew?” Sirius asked. He had stopped his wand twirling and was now rhythmically tapping the wall with the tip of it.

“Nothing. Just noticed that he’s also in very bad shape after...full moons. Sick.”

“So? Are you suggesting his allergic to moon?“ Sirius bursted into a laughter, “Pete, you’re making this up!”

But Peter didn’t join his laughter or say anything, he was just looking awkwardly at his hands. Then he cleared his throat and said:

“Full moons, Sirius. Full moons. Just saying.”

“Just saying _‘full moons’_?” Sirius rolled his eyes. But Peter nodded looking earnest and stared intensely at Sirius.

 

Sirius let all the info sink in. Too good hearing for a human. Vanishes when the moon was full. Comes sickly back.

“You actually are saying Remus Lupin has inhumane senses and his migraines are caused by full moons. Like...like lycanthropy symptoms?” he asked, pocketing the wand. He wasn’t bored anymore. Either Peter was crazy or Remus was a dangerous monster and either way it was huge. Mental.

Peter shrugged, but he kind of looked like he wanted to nod.

“Are you, Peter Pettigrew suggesting, that Remus Lupin is turning into a werewolf once in a month?”

“Could he?” Peter asked eyes wide as saucers.

“I should drag you to Pomfrey,” Sirius mumbled but gave it a thought. He had no idea about the werewolves, nothing else than that they were deathly dangerous and that the full moon made them change. But it was easy to learn whether they became sick because of it or if they had better hearing than others. Yes. He would look it up.

“Sirius...what are we going to do? If he’s a werewolf? We’re not going to share our dorm with him, aren’t we? We need to tell the headmaster…”

“We do?” Sirius lifted his eyebrow and studied Peter,

“A werewolf, in Hogwarts? Isn’t that quite far fetched, Pete? Do you think anyone would believe us even though if it was true? And how do you prove such a thing? Follow him up on full moons? Get eaten alive or whatever it is they do to you.”

Peter shrugged. Sirius kept on thinking. Even if Remus was a werewolf, which Sirius had a hard time to believe in, in Sirius’ opinion the most annoying part in Lupin was his _“you’re so privileged”_ -speeches he kept on giving to Sirius. So as long as he kept on doing the werewolfing somewhere else than in their shared dorm Sirius could probably live with it. He didn’t seem that dangerous creature, quiet and calm frail boy. But on the other hand, Sirius couldn’t deny that if he really was a real werewolf, it most certainly would raise some difficult questions.

“I’ll do some research, Pete, but only to figure out have you lost your mind completely. But meanwhile, talk no one about it. Not even James, okay?”

 

“Sirius Orion Black!”

It was Burke again, trying to sound just like Sirius’ mother.

“How did she...I need to go,” Sirius whimpered and ran.

“I’ll cover for you,” Peter bravely yelled after him, and he suspected poor Peter would face some f Burke’s favorite hexes. But Sirius would make it up for him then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some references to the past.  
> The first night in the Gryffindor dorm: [ Chapter 3 ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469/chapters/34591946)  
> Sirius tells about the Black's stellar hobbies:  Chapter 7   
> both from [The Price For Our Minds](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469)
> 
> And Peter studies listening through the bathroom door in [Chapter 2](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100667/chapters/35196815) of [All I Believe And All I've Known](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100667)


	6. This was bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius studies about lycantrophy and we'll get to meet some of Regulus' friends.

 

“So...have you found anything interesting?”

Sirius startled and looked up from the book he was reading. Potter had appeared at his desk in the library and was clearly looking like he was missing his best friend’s company.

“Hmm?” 

“Did you find...whatever it was you were looking for?” James asked and yawned before he went on, 

“Can you just leave it already, I’m bored without you. We could practise for the tryouts still.”

“No James, we have practised everything we can and I’m not done here,” he said and let his glance shuffle through the pages of ‘ _ Werewolf 101 _ ’. It said that the transformations were hard and painful for both mind and body, but there was nothing about the next morning aches. Migraines, which Lupin were having quite regularly nowadays, hadn’t been mentioned at all. Some other book he had been reading had stated lycantrophy might improve all the senses even when the werewolf was in human form. Sight, smell, taste, touch and yes, hearing too could be better than normal humans’ senses. 

 

“What are you anyway looking up for?” James asked and lifted the book cover a bit in order to see what Sirius was studying.

One of the best parts of James was, that he didn’t ask too many questions. For example, he wasn’t wondering what was going on with Sirius and why he had come alone in the library to study dusty books that didn’t have anything to do with their school assignments or Sirius’ favorite book subjects, such as high magic, folklore or other old and creepy tales. And when James did ask questions, he was nearly always content with the answers he got.

“I’m just wondering if a dog can become a werewolf.”

“A bloody weredog? Such a cool idea!”

Now James’ eyes lit and he drew a chair and sat next to Sirius.

“Have you found something?” 

Sirius shook his head but gestured James to look up for it in some of the books he had piled on the desk.

“You can help me. Gets your mind off from the tryouts, eh?”

“You’re so right! Just think about one of those fluffy poodles being a deadly werepoodle. I need one of those.”

Sirius laughed at the mental image and returned back to his book. He would discuss about Lupin with James later when he had figured out what really was going on. 

 

The book stated that there has been evidence that werewolves possessed very powerful magical abilities and that they were usually able to perform magic wordlessly and even wandlessly. Well, Remus Lupin was a disaster in charms, Sirius reasoned inside his head. But he had to admit, that many details seemed to fit nicely in him, at least if he believed in Peter’s observations about Lupin and his disappearances. 

“Here it is! ‘ _ Animals are not infected by the werewolves’ bites’ _ ,” James read out loud with a disappointed tone, and then continued with a mock in his voice, 

“I can’t believe that you have been sitting here for a while and I found this from the first book I opened!”

“Such a lucky chap you are, Potter. Does it say anything else about the bites?”

“‘ _ Neither humans, if the werewolf in question bites the victim while in its human form. But in its wolf form the bite will be lethal or worst; contagious spreading lycantrophy to the poor victim’ _ .”

Sirius shuddered. The book clearly stated it was better to be killed by a werewolf than turned into a one. He really hoped Remus Lupin wasn't a werewolf.

“That’s...harsh,” he said quietly unable to come up with a better term,

“Are they able to control when they turn someone and when they...just slay?” 

Sirius’ mind was pondering how dangerous it would be to share a dorm with a werewolf. 

James searched the text and shrugged.

“Doesn’t say.”

“Well move on to the next book then,” Sirius suggested and engrossed in  _ Werewolf 101  _ again.

“What’s that got to do with weredogs?”

“Background check, Potter. You need to be thoroughly if you start something.”

 

“Sirius.”

Sirius had started to hate his name. At least when it came from Deborah Burke’s lips. The way she said his name this time made it sound like it was a curse of some sort. 

“Deborah,” he said tensely, not lifting his eyes to meet hers. She came to stand behind his back and digged her digits in his shoulders, starting to rub them. She had long red fingernails that hurt him, probably very much intentionally.

“You should relax, love. Don’t study too much,” she hummed to his ear. Sirius pulled his head away from her, being afraid she was about to bite his ear off. 

“I won’t,” Sirius said irritated wondering what his fiancée was after now. They hadn’t still talked about their argument in the Great Hall and now as James was watching them with his curious eyes he surely wasn’t going to talk about it. 

“What’s wrong with your friend? He is eyeing me oddly,” Deborah said like James wasn’t present at all. 

“He’s probably trying to decide is that clawing supposed to be a tender gesture or torture. Out of respect and brotherly love towards me he won’t ask,” Sirius explained cheekily and James on his side nodded agreeing. Deborah dug her claws even more deeply in Sirius’ shoulders.

“I see,” she said with an ice cold tone.

 

“Look, Sirius,” James said suddenly, “it’s your brother!” 

Sirius turned in his seat to see Regulus sail in with a bunch of his Slytherin friends. In Sirius’ opinion the new Slytherin first graders were much more tolerable than Deborah’s class and he was actually happy to see them. An opportunity to escape Burke’s claws.

“Yes, Reggie! And just when we have a shitload of stuff to discuss with him,” he said jerking himself free of Deborah’s grip and standing up, 

“Hey Reggie!” Sirius yelled loudly, earning an angry hiss from madam Pince. Sirius’ little brother recognized the voice and stalked to them with his gang.

“Sirius, I’ve asked you not to use that name,” Regulus said with a cold tone. He nodded politely towards James and Deborah.

“Potter. Debbie.”

“Sorry Reg. Reg’s okay?” 

Regulus nodded.

“How about baby-Reg?”

He didn’t bother to answer. Evan Rosier grunted.

“Enough of that fooling, Sirius. Tell me is there any news about our runaway cousin?”

Sirius’ and Regulus’ aunt Druella, the mother of their three cousins, was born Rosier, and she was also aunt to Evan Rosier. Regulus and Evan had born in the same year and they were attending Hogwarts together. The Black brothers had been playing with Evan in family gatherings since they could remember. It was funny how much older than the two of them Sirius now felt himself.

“No word from Drom,” Sirius shook his head. Sirius hadn’t told anyone about the letter he had received from Andromeda and he wasn’t going to. But it was over six months ago and he himself either hadn’t heard any news from her since. Sirius was pretty sure he wouldn’t hear from her ever again. She had started a new life now and the Blacks weren’t a part of it.

 

“Muggle lover, blood traitor,” Murdoch Wilkes spat. Evan had always had real friends also, not only distant relatives he was forced to play with like the Black brothers. Evan’s best friend Murdoch Wilkes entered Hogwarts too this year and was sorted into Slytherin.

“Watch it, Wilkes!” Sirius said and eyed at Evan and Regulus to see if they were sympathizing their cousin at all. But the boys didn’t show any signs of detest towards Wilkes’ words. 

“You two should defend your cousin,” Sirius scolded the younger boys. Regulus snorted and Evan shrugged.

“I’ve always liked cousin Andromeda, she was fun. But she made a stupid choice and now she has to pay for it,” Rosier said calmly, not seemingly affected by Sirius’ scolding at all. It made Regulus put up a smug smile on his face. Sirius tried to slap Regulus in the back of his head for the smirk but he dodged.

“Stop it Sirius, we’re not kids anymore.”

“Well you are,” he answered, succeeding to deliver a punch in his little brother’s bicep.

 

Apart from the three Slytherins stood Severus Snape, trying to look like he was eyeing some books on the shelves but he kept on glancing towards them all the time. It hadn’t go unnoticed from Sirius, that after his brother had attended Hogwarts, Snape had been hovering around him. He had heard at the potions class that Lucius had told to Avery to be nice to Snape. Was Regulus in on it? Sirius didn’t know, and the fact that he didn’t know made him crazy. 

“So, Reg. I see you have been hanging out with Snivellus over there,” Sirius started, pointing his finger towards Snape to make sure to indicate that they were talking about him.

“Severus told us you would be all over him, Sirius. We don’t care that his half-blood, you shouldn’t either,” Reg said waving his hand, and checking around impatiently like he was waiting for someone. Sirius had lost his voice, he was dumbfounded.  _ He _ was the Gryffindor,  _ he  _ was the Black who didn’t have the obsession for pure-bloodness. 

“That's not what I meant, Reg--” Sirius tried but it was too late. Regulus attention had shifted and a bright smile lit his face.

“Delilah!”

Regulus’ future-betrothed entered the library. She was all the way fairer and kinder than her older sister, who was rude and hard when she was kind and soft. Distantly, she brought him the memory of their Beaufort cousin.

 

The thought of the Beaufort cousin made Sirius’ heart make some extra beats. He watched the genuine sweet smile on Regulus’ lips. It seemed that they were in love. Regulus was a lucky fellow.

“Isn’t that just sweet?” Deborah had appeared next to him and started to slither her arms around his waist. He dodged it, just in time.

“Yes, indeed very sweet. James, we should go,” he grabbed James’ wrist to streamline his words. 

“Debbie, good night,” he said quickly when he noticed she had opened her mouth probably to protest his hasty exit. He then turned to Regulus and winked his eye:

“Baby-Reggie, don’t do anything that I wouldn’t.”

And as they were passing Snape James nudged him with his elbow and gestured towards the pile of books Sirius had left behind on the desk.

“Snivellus, you'll clear those books up for us, won't you.”


	7. Beating heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Quidditch tryouts are done and Sirius has a talk with Remus.

“S’okay,” Sirius answered quietly, wondering was he really meaning it. It was partly true, he figured - he was alright that he didn’t get chosen as the beater of the Gryffindor quidditch team. But he was somehow upset that he had tried something and not succeeded.

“It was obvious I didn’t have the chance. I mean both Spinnet and Bright continued as beaters. They’re just too good,” Sirius explained, thinking that he could be realistic, and there was no harm done giving credit to others when they deserved it. But some voice in the back of his brain told him otherwise. It was the voice of his mother. His mother would be furious if she knew. Mostly to Sirius, for trying out something he wasn’t able to achieve. Failing.    
Losing. And even worse, losing to some common people. 

 

“I see,” Lupin said back with a flat tone, his eyes inspecting him, like he was not buying Sirius’ words. Sirius and Remus were walking together away from the quidditch pitch. James had stayed in the pit, he was the newest member of the Gryffindor’s chaser team. James was the only second year that had gotten in to the team. For some reason Sirius was relieved that Lupin didn't try to cheer him up or offer some rubbish motivational speeches about persistence.

“James did well,” Sirius continued, eager to get his thoughts out of his own miserable failure, 

“I’m proud of that bonehead. Maybe he’ll get something more to do than flirt with every girl around us now.”

Lupin grinned.

“I’m afraid the sports have consequences other way around, Black.”

“Might be.”

A silence followed as the boys were lingering in the courtyard. Sirius was trying to think something to talk in order to prevent the talking going back to his tryouts. Suddenly he remembered there indeed was something he wanted to talk about with Remus. 

 

He glanced at Remus. He surely didn't look like a werewolf, that was conclusion he came to everyday, multiple times a day, when he tried to imagine his roommate as one. No, Remus was more like something the werewolf had brought in. Maybe it wasn't Remus who was the werewolf after all. 

 

Sirius studied him still. It had been nice of him to accompany the others to the quidditch pit  even though he didn't like quidditch himself. Now that Sirius thought about it, he noted that his clothes seemed a bit better than last year when he had dressed in quite some shabby robes. But his hair had still a wild and untamed look and the big scar crossing his face was very visible, although he got it almost a year ago. One of the books Sirius had studied the previous day had mentioned, that werewolves’ claws left awful magical scars that wouldn't ever fade away. Sirius’ eyes narrowed as he was thinking, could that be an awful scar made by a werewolf? Maybe he was a son of a werewolf and his mother's illness was actually lycantrophy.

 

“What are you staring at? Is there something in my face?” Remus wondered. Sirius answered truthfully, although trying to maintain a witty tone.

“I'd classify that scar of yours as something.”

Remus let out a light laughter.

“Well yes, I always seem to forget it. Maybe Peter has something more gruesome now.”

Peter had tried also out, as a keeper. The Bludger had hit his face so badly he had been taken to Madam Pomfrey.

“We should go see Peter,” Remus then continued on the matter. 

“Yeah, you’re right. James will come when he can,” Sirius agreed and they started to make their way back to the castle. 

“So,” Sirius cleared his voice, making sure there was no joking tones to be found in his voice anymore. It was time to get serious.

“You have an interesting name, Remus the wolf.”

In Sirius’ opinion, it was just the kind of name a werewolf would like to give to her son.

Lupin came to a complete stop and he watched him with his eyes narrowed like Sirius had just provoked him into a fight or something.

“What now, Black?”

“It’s Latin. And actually Romulus and Remus are the kids the she-wolf fed and they built Rome. In the folklore. I know my Latin, Lupin, my  _ maitresse _ made sure about that.”

“And I know my name, no need to teach me that although I didn’t have any  _ mattresses _ teaching me all this,” he said tensely, not obviously buying his explanation. Sirius chuckled at Lupin’s intentional misspeaking and continued trying to keep up the casual tone.

“Do you think the story is actually about werewolves?” Sirius asked keeping his eyes at Lupin. At first the boy seemed quite stiff but his pose began to soften before he spoke.

“That Rome would have been built by werewolves? How interesting suggestion there,” Lupin nodded, seemingly relaxing before Sirius eyes. It was the complete opposite reaction of what a werewolf or son of a werewolf afraiding to be outed would have. And, if Lupin was hiding that he also probably understood it, Sirius thought. They continued the walk towards the castle, pacing slowly.

“Yeah. I read from a book that werewolves are particularly strong in magic,” Sirius continued, still surveilling Remus.

“Well, I could use some werewolf magicing abilities for my latest charms exam was a disaster,” Remus sighed and started to going on about something his tutor girl had said to him. Sirius let all the babble go in from the other ear and out from the other as he was trying to figure out how to turn the conversation back to werewolves. It was too bad he hadn't realized to check if werewolves could make werewolf babies. Maybe their whole family was actually werewolves. Just like the name the  _ Lupins _ so eagerly suggested. He thought he should cut the acts and go straight to the business, it was seldom they were just the two of them.

“Look, I am sorry that I pry, but your scars…is your mother--”

But Sirius didn't have the chance to finish his question when Lupin started to shout at him.

“Sirius, if you would know anything about domestic abuse you would understand that you yourself are probably going through at least mentally abuse by your parents,” Remus snapped instantly, turning the conversation into something completely different. Now it was Sirius’ turn to be provoked. He stopped, dumbfounded, staring at the back of Remus, who had kept on going the walk towards the castle.

“What did you just say, Lupin?”

Lupin halted, and his shoulders dropped. He turned around and came back to Sirius. He looked apologizing.

“I’m sorry, I got carried away. I just can’t stand the idea of my mom being accused of something. She’s the sweetest, I promise you. My both parents are. The stuff they’ve sacrificed because of me…” 

Sacrifices, interesting, Sirius contemplated.

“Okay, I get it. I’m sorry. Let’s be mates,” Sirius nodded, grabbing Remus into a hug, 

“I was rude to pry...or make those assumptions previously about your mother. The ones about abuse and drugs and stuff.” 

It was not until now that Sirius noticed that the once so small and thin figured boy had surprisingly broad chest and shoulders nowadays. Remus Lupin had grown. They all had but he had increased in size more than the others. 

“Sirius? Isn’t this enough?” Remus was choking in the hug. Sirius apologized and withdrew.

“You’ve gain some shoulders. And length. If you keep up with that pace you’ll outgrow me.”

“Why not,” Remus grinned and Sirius put his arm around his shoulder and they started to step towards the castle. Sirius was now sure he had discovered Remus’ secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius suspected Remus' mother abuses him in [All I Believe And All I've Known](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100667/chapters/35014934) in chapter 1, then adds muggle drugs in [chapter 8](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100667/chapters/35647800) and the boys have intervention with Remus in [ chapter 9](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100667/chapters/35811306).


	8. A step back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Upset Daemon Avery confronts Sirius and accidentally helps Sirius learn something.

“Sirius.”

Daemon Avery was standing on the upper stair landing, aside from the stream of busy students making their way in the Great Staircase. His eyes were following Sirius one stair below and the tone of his voice wasn’t friendly, only distant and cold. Sirius told James, Peter and Remus that he would catch them later in front of their history class, and climbed the stairs to see what was rubbing Avery the wrong way.

 

“Daemon,” Sirius greeted tensely. As a child they had been playing together in the pure-blood families’ events, but they never had been good friends. At first Avery didn’t say anything in return. He was just eyeing Sirius with his stern gaze. Sirius tried to read the expression in his eyes. Was he mad? Sad? Sullen? Something was definitely bothering him.

“What’s going on, Avery?” Sirius asked impatiently, shifting the weight from another leg to another, folding his arms across his chest. He didn’t climb there just to be stared down.

“You know bloody well what’s going on,” Avery finally grunted, and now Sirius could see the scorn and spite in his eyes.

“Might be I do,” Sirius said tentatively and inhaled sharply, deciding that offence was the best defense in the situation on the hand, just like in life in general.

“It is unfortunate that this happened to you and Debbie, Daemon.”

 

Sirius had heard the rumours. That Avery and Burke had been an item for sometime before Sirius’ engagement with Burke. He knew the Burkes had considered a marriage with some other pure-blood family before, and now it seemed pretty clear it was Avery. But because the Averys and the Burkes were not that crazy into engaging children to another, the Blacks had beaten the Averys with their unresistable double marriage pact.

“I know you wanted to have Debbie and I’m sorry but it’s just that our parents--”

“Debbie is not a person to  _ have _ like something you own. She deserves the best,” Avery spat. Sirius couldn’t help but chuckle although he understood how insufferable it was from his part to do so.

“And you apparently consider yourself as ‘ _ the best’ _ ?”

“What comes to my wants, I only want Debbie’s happiness,” Avery continued with a solemn tone, not minding about Sirius’ tease,

“And you should start acting respectively towards her, Black.”

 

Sirius sighed inwardly. In a way Avery was right. It wasn’t Debbie’s fault either she was stuck with the useless heir of the house Black. But on the other hand Deborah deliberately chose to be irritating. She was trying to boss him around by letting Sluggy to make him sit next to her and all those requirements of them eating and whatsoever together. It was just too much. They had been doing wonderfully without each other’s company the last year and Sirius didn’t understand why it had to change because of some engagement contract their parents had made up.

“I do not mean to be disrespectful,” Sirius finally settled to answer, hoping to satisfy Avery’s chivalrous intentions with that. But Avery just scoffed at him.

“Could’ve thought a Black can behave himself better.”

Visions of Andromeda and Bellatrix were instantly crossing in Sirius’ mind. His two older cousins who had never managed to behave themselves. They were wild and reckless, and Sirius had started to feel like he would grow up to be wild and reckless too. 

“Well then Daemon, you know nothing about us Blacks then,” Sirius offered him a friendly smile but Avery was still looking sour. It occurred to Sirius that something really had changed between him and Daemon. Where they used to be acquaintances that were in formal yet friendly terms, it seemed that now they were moving to be more enemies than friends. It suited Sirius, he never particularly had liked Daemon Avery. He was starting to question why he’d come over to hear Avery in the first place.

“I have a feeling this conversation isn’t taking any interesting turns after all,” Sirius said, trying to sound bored. 

“Suits for me, Black.”

“Avery.”

Sirius was about to turn his back and leave to the history class when Avery suddenly stepped towards him, grabbed the front of his robes and pulled him closer by force. His face was only inches away from Sirius’ when he whispered:

“You might be all high and mighty Black heir now, but once we are of age and join the ranks of the Death Eaters we’re all equal to the Dark Lord.” 

Daemon let go of Sirius and Sirius was too baffled to get angry about the rough handling Avery had just done to him.

“What? Eaters of exactly what?”

“Why do you ask?” Avery’s eyes narrowed as he questioned Sirius. Sirius scoffed.

“Because I bloody want to know!”

“No, you idiot. Why do you need to ask?” Avery wondered, still studying him frowning,

“You’re a Black. You’re the cousin of Bellatrix Lestrange. You should know.”

“Know what? Daemon, spill it out.”

Avery’s lips twisted in a gloating smile. 

“You don’t have a clue, don’t you. Could it be that the Black heir is actually a blood-traitor?”

“If by blood-traitor you mean that I don’t despise cousin Andromeda, then bloody hell I’m the most treacherous blood-traitor you’ve ever met.”

“I wonder how Debbie feels when it’s revealed that you’re not fitted in the ranks of the Death Eaters.” 

Sirius wasn’t sure what was going on but he was starting to lose his temper. Now he wanted to irritate Avery on purpose.

“And how would you, Daemon, feel if Debbie chose me anyway instead of you?” 

Avery just sneered at him and rolled his eyes, like seeing straight through Sirius and not wanting to give him what he wanted.

“And I don’t need to be a bloody corpse eating clown to be engaged to Burke!” Sirius continued as he noticed the first line wasn’t insult enough. That finally broke Avery, but his insults never came in a heated manner. He was speaking peacefully, an easy smile on his lips.

“Maybe not for now, Sirius. But it seems in my eye that you’re the second Black offspring that doesn’t quite meet the quality of Blacks we all have been used to. Almost like something is spoiled in your most ancient house.”

Sirius was even more furious, but before he could come up with an answer Daemon continued:

“Did you even know that your family is a keen supporter of the cause? One of the most remarkable financial supporters. Isn’t it just weird that the so called heir is completely unaware of everything?”

“Piss off Daemon, and never speak to me again!” 

Sirius turned away and left.


	9. A whisper or handshake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius gets some answers and learns something devastating.

“Listen to me, Sirius. Your parents just think you’re still quite young, that's all.”

“Oh really, Cissy? But somehow I’m old enough to be engaged to a bloody witch I hardly know or like?”

 

Narcissa had searched Sirius right after the afternoon lessons. She knew about the argument he had had with Avery on the stair landing before. She had forced Sirius to part from his friends to have a stroll around in the castle's hallways with her.

 

“I deserve to know what it is I'm expected to put my name on or join or whatsoever. I'm fucking furious, I tell you,” Sirius boomed, his gray eyes challenging his older cousin. But Narcissa kept her cool presence as she tried to calm Sirius down.

“Sirius, please lower your voice, this is a sensitive family matter,” she scolded, gesturing towards some passing students that were eyeing them curiously.

“There's no need to be hurt, darling cousin. Bella and I wanted you to know, I assure you. She was counting on that silly little Amadeus to blurt it out to you--”

“You mean that even creep Mulciber knows about the death eating but I don't?”

 

Sirius stopped and squeezed his hands into fists. It was hurtful enough that his family had a secret that he wasn't allowed in on although a number of people that weren't related to them knew exactly what was happening. It angered him that his family had let him embarrass himself in front Daemon Avery. But the fact that even Amadeus Mulciber was in on it made the humiliation much worse.

 

“Oh Sirius,” Narcissa brushed his cheek gently with her hand, trying to console,

“It’s just that his father is a newly initiated Death Eater and he’s so proud he wants to share it with his son. He'd share it probably with the whole wide world but of course that would not be wise. But my father and aunt Walburga are more protective --”

“Protective of their own behinds more likely,” Sirius grunted,

“I want the truth, Cissy. I deserve it.”

“Well then...how should I put it...let’s just say that our parents feel like you’re maybe a bit restless and unpredictable in your actions,” she said slipping her arm around his arm and urging him to continue their aimless walk in the corridors.

 

Sirius let her lead his walk while he let her words to sink in his brains. So, he had been proclaimed as untrustworthy by his family. Quite soon he realized, that in a way it was something Sirius had walked towards almost like on purpose - after all he was the Gryffindor, he was the one that didn’t care if his cousin had married a muggleborn and like his bloodtraitor cousin he too wasn't going to marry his pure-blood betrothed. And not to mention that after entering Hogwarts he had surrounded himself with other Gryffindors, deliberately avoiding the company of the Slytherins he once was forced to play with in those boring pure-blood family gatherings. He had refused to go to Slughorn's club too although it had been his mother's wish that he would attend there to get some Slytherin influence and connections. It wasn't that hard to see that he had brought the mistrust on himself.

 

Narcissa gave his arm a gentle squeeze before she continued like talking to a child:

“This is one really delicate matter, the Death Eaters. You'll see, dear cousin when you mature.”

“So Regulus doesn’t know either?” Sirius asked tentatively, turning his piercing gray eyes towards Narcissa. His cousin didn’t answer to his question or his stare, she just kept on looking straight ahead while smiling somewhat apologetically as they paced slowly in the hallway. Her silence was enough of an answer for Sirius.

“Regulus is younger than me!” Sirius argued sullen. Narcissa nodded as an agreement,

“Yes, he is the youngest of us all,” she explained patiently,

“But despite of their young age, he and Evan clearly have chosen their sides. The right sides. You on the other hand, Sirius…the company you hang around with, you just --”

“Me just what, Cissy? What _sides_ are there to choose if no one bothers to talk to me about anything!”

“Keep your voice down,” Narcissa hushed as a group of some first-year Ravenclaws hurried past them. Sirius kept his eyes in her, inquiring answers. Finally she let go of his arm and turned towards him. Her voice had suddenly lost its soft tones and maybe for the first time in Sirius’ life cousin Narcissa spoke to him like someone her equal.

“The times are changing. There is a powerful wizard, mightier than the headmaster Dumbledore and more competent than the minister Jenkins ever can be. This is where we choose _the right side_ to be, cousin. It's not for children or cowards, I tell you.”

 

The powerful wizard must be the Dark Lord both Bellatrix and Daemon had mentioned, Sirius figured.

“You are speaking of the Dark Lord,” Sirius gasped. Narcissa nodded.

"Who is he?"

Narcissa whisked her hand in the air.

“It doesn’t matter, cousin. But you must know that he is recruiting talented, influential and powerful wizards and witches to join his cause. And he is successful.”

“And his cause would be..?” Sirius inquired. He was starting to feel he was finally getting the answers he was looking for. And he was quite sure the guy wasn't gathering people just to have a fanclub. Narcissa looked awkward and she hesitated for a moment before she answered.

“Well...you do know that politics haven’t ever been my strength.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and winced. He wouldn't have believed that this day would come but for the first time in his life he wished it was cousin Bellatrix having this discussion with him, giving him the right answers. At least according to Narcissa Bellatrix had wanted to tell him the truth, which was something already. Maybe he could owl to her later to inquire more details.

“You absolutely can not put anything of this in writing, I warn you. This is a huge secret, tell no one about it and owls are out of the question.”

It seemed like Narcissa had just read his mind. Sirius let out a frustrated grunt. He had a bad feeling about this lord and his club.

“I can not believe that you’re in on it but I’m left out! Well tell me everything you know...or understand.” He could figure the rest of it by himself.

“Very well. Lucius tells me, that the wizarding world has had enough of hiding from the muggles. Soon the muggles will be hiding from us, and the wizards will rule the world instead of muggles.”

Sirius couldn't believe his ears.

“Whoa, hold it, Cissy - first of all, muggles do not rule the world. Secondly, why should muggles hide from wizards? Do you really see muggles as some sort of threat?”

“It doesn’t matter, little cousin. It’s not our responsibility to think for them. We are the superior human race and we need to take care that we prosper, Lucius says. The muggles are ruining the Earth and they need to be demolished. After that,” Narcissa’s voice turned into a soft and tender whisper and her hands cradled her stomach,

“We’ll make beautiful and wise little wizards and witches to the new world where there is no need to hide magic.”

 

Sirius tried really hard not to laugh. He found it both hilarious and frightening at the same time and laughter was his reaction to both of the feelings. When the laughter finally escaped from his lips, it came out as thin and oddly flat whimper.

“Do you believe in this? Really, Cissy? I mean our parents have always believed in that wizards and purebloods are better than the rest but...isn’t this too much? _New world_ ? _Demolish_ muggles? Our friends and family have family who are muggles, for crying out loud!”

“Hopefully you’re not speaking of yourself, Sirius.”

“No, I’m speaking on behalf of both of us, Cissy. Does the name Andromeda ring any bell to you anymore?”

Narcissa let go of her stomach and she looked really unhappy that her disowned sister’s name had been brought into the conversation.

“Sirius, please,” she cried out in a frustrated tone,

“It really hasn’t gotten unnoticed that instead of backing us up in the end you chose to sympathize my traitor sister and her dear muggleborn. It’s unforgivable, you know. She broke our father’s heart. Disgraced our family --”

“Yes yes, I’ve heard it all. What has this to do with the death eating thing?”

“The Death Eaters, they're called. I'm suggesting for your own good that you put that name in your thick skull carefully and thoroughly,” Narcissa said dryly,

“That's a lot you don't want to annoy. Trust me in this.”

“What does that stupid name even mean? Tell me who's the wizard in charge of the circus,” Sirius continued snapping, trying to ignore his cousin's warnings but he had a bad feeling in his gut anyway. Now Narcissa had also lost her temper as she was snapping back at him.

“It's symbolism on a higher level that a mere child as you can not comprehend! And it's none of schoolboy business who's who, this is adults’ matter. Once the muggles and muggle-lovers are beaten --”

“Say that to Drom's face! Or what if I'm going to marry a true muggle with zero magical blood --”

“Don’t be silly, that kind of talk can get you in to trouble, Sirius” Narcissa scolded. Then her voice softened and she found the calmness that was typical for her.

“Darling cousin, may I remind you: You’re marrying Deborah. She’s the sweetest. And the purest.”

“No, she’s an awful witch and I don’t want to be with her.”

“Oh Sirius. You’re still so young,” there it was again, the tone that was meant for 6-year old,

“But one day you’ll get it. And it’s not about you and me, Sirius. It's bigger than just us. Lucius once asked me _‘The world goes on and we either survive with it or extinct because we were not fit to fight. Which one do you prefer?’_ ”

It sounded almost just like Bellatrix at their engagement party. It felt like his cousins were brainwashed.

“I think it was well put. I've never questioned Lucius since. He's fighting for us. And I'm so proud of him.”

Sirius rolled his eyes but didn't see point to argue with her. She was a lost case, obviously.

 

“So my parents, your parents, Lucius, you and Bella have joined a club called the Death Eaters. What about Regulus? Is he part of it too?”

Narcissa shook her head.

“Oh no, I'm not a Death Eater. It's not for me, I'm not a warrior. After I've graduated and married Lucius I'm going to concentrate on home,” Narcissa said with a dreamy voice, touching his stomach again and smiling at it. Sirius cleared his throat to get Narcissa back from her daydreams.

“So, is this for Regulus?”

She nodded.

“Eventually. But the Dark Lord insists that all the Death Eaters are of age. And our parents, they of course are supporting the cause on both intellectually and financially but they chose to operate in the background, Lucius explained me.”

Lucius seemed to share a lot of details to his betrothed. Sirius had to wonder was that wise in this kind of _delicate matter _as Narcissa had put it. After all it seemed like Narcissa hadn't really throughly understood half of the things she was telling Sirius about the Death Eaters.__

____

____

“And why is that?” Sirius asked, but Narcissa shrugged, just as Sirius had anticipated. But then Narcissa leaned more closer to Sirius and took his hands to hers and continued:

“This is something all the generations of Blacks have been walking towards. This is the moment our ancestors were waiting for. And our parents need you, me, Bella and Reg to step up and take the challenge. We're the future. It's even more important now after what Dromeda did to us--”

 

At this point Sirius took his hands from Narcissa's and gave her a sharp look.

“You mean after what was done to Drom?”

“She did it all to herself,” Narcissa hissed between her teeth, then in a second she composed her calmness and continued with a malicious tone:

“Didn’t she mention in that letter that she _sure as hell chose to be a Tonks_? She's a traitor.”

Sirius’ heart jumped in his throat. Narcissa was eyeing him with a twisted smile.

“Oh, poor little cousin. You look so perplexed. Don’t tell me Dromeda has written you even more weird little letters.”

Sirius was actually totally perplexed. He hadn’t told anyone in his family about the letter Andromeda had written to him. Had Narcissa managed to steal it at some point? Or heard him talking about it with James and the others? Sirius made a mental note to burn the letter as soon as he would reach to the Gryffindor tower.

“Yes, that’s right. Don’t look so surprised. Your mother uses legilimency on you. She knows everything that goes in your head. On both of you. And you don’t even seem to notice it. I wonder if Regulus is as thick as you.”

“Legilimency? My dear mother does that?”

“Constantly. You should learn to resist it, Sirius.”

“Does she use it to you too?”

“Aunt Walburga doesn’t have to, father knows it too. It’s a very Black thing to do, you know.”

“Why no one lets me in on these things?” Sirius grunted in frustration. His mother had a way to access his mind. His thoughts. His memories, his everything. Sirius needed it to stop.

 

“Well first of all Sirius, you need to start acting like a Black, then maybe you’ll receive what you deserve.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked sullenly, although nothing mattered to him anymore besides the fact that his mind was vulnerable in front of his own mother.

“You start treating Deborah with the respect the bride of the Black heir deserves. Let aunt Walburga see you’re worthy of her trust and she’ll reveal everything, and even more. I’m counting on you, Sirius.”

“You're right. I should behave,” he answered with a numb voice. But Sirius was already determined to refuse his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the letter Andromeda sent: [Chapter 4 of All I Believe and All I've Known](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100667/chapters/35384004)


	10. Sending a sign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Darker thoughts, darker tones. Sirius is starting to realize what his family is capable of. Peter and Sirius try to come to a conclusion about Remus.

“You really have a weird taste of reading for a second year,” madam Pince said sourly as Sirius checked out two books from the library. Sirius took his most charming smile on his face and answered, that he would read anything that was checked through the wand of such a competent librarist. That didn't impress madam Pince at all, but nothing ever did.

 

Sirius gathered the books and entered the hallway. He eyed the of cover of  _ “Reveals of revolutions and anatomy of rebellions - changes in wizarding world politics”  _ while walking. He was determined to get to the bottom of the political movement that was going on and his  _ maitresse  _ had always stressed that it was important to know your history in order to understand the present. Sirius wasn’t stupid. Unlike cousin Narcissa, who seemed quite some airhead from time to time, Sirius had quickly grasped what kind of huge motion was going on. Based on what both Narcissa and Bellatrix had told him, it wasn’t some hobby club for influential and powerful wizards their dark lord was putting up. It was a political movement, enforcing revolution, most likely very violent one. And his family was tied to it, neck deep. Narcissa was silly not to understand what her precious Malfoy was involved in. And maybe even Andromeda hadn't understood what was really going as she was calling it as a religion in her letter. At least she had tried to warn him. But why the hell she had to be so cryptic with it? And why she couldn’t warn him that his mother was a legilimens?

 

Sirius snapped out of his thoughts, climbing up the stairs towards the Gryffindor tower. He clung to the other book  _ ‘Occlumency: the principles’ _ . He had not gotten any sleep the previous night as Narcissa’s words had been playing in his brain over and over again.

_ “She knows everything that goes in your head.” _

The thought of his mother knowing his deepest secrets...he didn’t dare to imagine it. It had been the first night he hadn’t thought about the Burkes’ Beaufort cousin at all. He had deliberately pushed the thoughts away when they had occurred. He had a pretty good idea that legilimens usually required an eye connection, but he was so repulsed by the thought of his mother going through his thoughts and scared what his family might do to the boy if their shared kiss would be revealed that he didn't want to risk it. 

 

But he was determined to resist his family. He had promised to protect Andromeda’s future children and this was him being true to his words. First he needed to learn how to use occlumency just to get his mother out of his head. The holiday break was coming and he wasn't going to let his mother pick his brains as she wished anymore.

“ _ ‘It’s a very Black thing to do’, _ ” Sirius scoffed imitating Narcissa’s voice and words. No sympathy coming from her direction. His cousin had reveal it to Sirius only to gloat at him. She seemed to deal with her father using legilimency like it was perfectly normal for parents to intrude their children’s minds. Or maybe the Black sisters had been educated in occlumency in young age, unlike the two Black brothers.

 

“Damn you Lupin,” Sirius couldn't help but grunt. He bitterly remembered how on point Lupin had been when he had told to Sirius’ face, that it was Sirius himself who was going through mental abuse by his parents. But surely even Remus would be surprised by how far Walburga Black was willing to go with her upbringing methods. Penetrating in one's mind was the worst. 

 

The thought of Lupin made Sirius realize he had agreed to meet Peter privately at the ugly statue in the third floor. Groaning and cursing his soft brain Sirius turned around and started to descend the stairs. He was late already, but maybe Peter wouldn’t mind after he told him that he probably had cracked Remus’ secret. But to be honest the secret of his own family had taken all of his attention lately. 

 

Last night after his conversation with Narcissa, Sirius had climbed to their dorm, shocked and exhausted. He had searched for the letter from Andromeda as his first deed and threw it in the common room's fireplace. As he was watching his last connection to his favorite cousin to burn to ashes, James had seated himself right next to him, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. James hadn’t said anything, but Sirius knew that James could see that something wasn’t right. He didn’t need to say anything, the mere presence of his best friend was comfort for him. But weirdly alongside the comforting feeling Sirius felt an overwhelming fear creeping on him. He had realized it finally. His family wasn’t just prejudiced, ridiculous and outdated. His family was deathly dangerous and highly influential. Cousin Andromeda was lucky she had managed to escape alive. And he...he didn’t know what he was supposed to do now. Lots of questions were racing in his mind. What his family really expected out of him? Was his friendship a threat to his three friends, who none of them quite met the requirements his mother had hoped for his son's companion? Was it really war his family was after, like cousin Bellatrix had hinted at his engagement party?

 

He wanted to tell James everything. Right there in front of the Gryffindor fireplace. He wanted to ask all the questions and have someone to speculate with. Share his burden. But he couldn’t. If he had opened his mouth it would’ve been only wallowing coming out of it, not coherent words. Instead he had patted James on his shoulder and given him a grateful look before he had disappeared and locked himself in their dorm’s bathroom for the next 45 minutes. 

 

But eventually he would tell James about his family. Sirius wasn’t going to be like the rest of the Blacks, carrying secrets. No, he wanted to be an open book. He would tell James about his theories regarding to the Lupins too.

 

“I'm sorry I'm late, Pete,” Sirius huffed as he came to the statue. Peter was already there, eagerly peeking the books Sirius carried with him.

“So? Did you finish your research? Got any answers?”

“Yes. I did some research…” Sirius noticed now Peter's curious stares at the books.

“Oh but these don't have anything to do with it,” he tried to hide them out of Peter’s glance tugging them under his arm,

“But yes, I researched werewolves and even asked Lupin some questions.”

“And?” Peter asked eyes as wide as saucers.

“I really don't think Lupin is a werewolf.”

“Oh.”

Peter sounded almost disappointed.

 

“But something fishy is definitely happening in his home. I think his mother is the werewolf, and she claws the marks,”  Sirius continued, making clawing gestures on his cheek with his free hand. Peter didn't look impressed with his theory. 

“Think about it, who else would name their son as Remus and have Lupin as a surname?”

“I’ve always imagined his parents are hippies. Remus indeed is a bit eccentric name but Lupin is a plant. Beautiful bloom if you believe professor Sprout--”

“Oh Merlin Peter!  _ Lupus _ is Latin for wolf!”

Peter thought for a moment what Sirius had said and shrugged.

“Well, you're not the brightest even though you’re named Sirius,” Peter sneered and Sirius resisted the urge to knock him with a hex for that. Instead he watched Peter intensely and hastened him with his stare. Peter shrugged again, seemingly intimidated by Sirius’ intense staring.

“I don't know...maybe you’re projecting your own mother issues to Remus by coming up with all these theories about Remus’ mother…”

Sirius bursted into a big laugh that seemed to baffle Peter. He probably had expected the hex to follow.

“Oh, Pete...if you only knew about my mother issues,” Sirius managed to say before he continued his maniac laughter that sounded almost like barking. 

“I’m sorry Pete, I’ve had a rough night. And life in general, to be honest.”

 

“Now Pete, we came here to talk about Lupin, not about my mother issues,” Sirius was eager to get the conversation back on track.

“So answer this, Sirius: why would he visit his mother when she's a werewolf if he himself isn't? Werewolves are dangerous, mindless beasts when it's full moon. They bite.”

“Yeah, or kill,” Sirius admitted. Peter had a valid point.

“So we are back to thinking Remus is a werewolf?”

“No Peter, you’re out of your mind,” he said, although the thought of Remus as a werewolf was making more and more sense again. 

“I mean Pete, if he was the werewolf why would Remus have the clawing marks, obviously he would hunt others to...claw and bite and other werewolfing stuff that they need to do.”

 

Sirius was truthful in that part that the clawing marks on Remus' didn't make sense. But Peter was painfully right too. Why would a 12 year old frail boy visit his mother on those nights when she was the most dangerous. No. The full moons affected Remus himself. And the only explanation they had at the moment was that he was a werewolf. But then again, if Remus was a werewolf, no soul should ever find out about it. The books he had been reading about werewolves showed very clearly that there weren’t werewolf-friendly attitudes in the wizarding world. After realizing what was going on with the Death Eaters, Sirius felt like he needed to protect his friends. He wouldn’t ever forgive himself if someone hurt them, especially if it was just because they happened to be a friend of Sirius Black. If Remus really was a werewolf, it was better no one knew it, at least before Sirius had the chance to talk with Remus. 

 

“Well Pete, aren't you relieved that your roommate isn't a monster?” Sirius continued trying to achieve the light tone that was typical for him, as he noticed Peter's suspicious face.

“Of...of course I’m relieved. But I have to admit I was kind of like so sure I was already used to the idea. You really don’t think it makes sense?” 

Sirius shook his head, maybe even a bit more forcefully than it was necessary. 

“No. Werewolves are dangerous. Remus is boring. Wolves live in packs. Remus likes his solitude. Werewolves are practically oozing of magic, Remus sucks at charms. And besides, the ministry or no one in their right mind would allow a werewolf in a school, you cretin.”

Peter nodded but Sirius could see him cooking up some buts still.

“Dumbledore isn’t in his right mind though, I think.”

“Well, you’re right there I can give you that,” Sirius nodded,

“But that doesn't mean he allows werewolves in the school.”

“Maybe he doesn't know,” Peter still tried, but Sirius laughed him off.

 

They started together ascending to the Gryffindor tower. On midway the second year Slytherin girls came across them.

“Pete, you go. I need to take care of something,” Sirius said, eyeing Deborah while inhaling deeply. As soon as Deborah noticed him, she dismissed her classmates and took the few steps down to be on the same stairs as Sirius.

“We should talk,” she said, for once with a matter-of-fact tone.

“We should,” Sirius agreed.

 

After Sirius had pulled Deborah aside he asked had she heard anything about her cousin.

“Which one of them?” she asked looking surprised.

“From...the French cousin,” Sirius didn't want to sound too familiar with him. He needed to protect him from his family.

“No, I haven't heard of the Beauforts, we are not that close,” Deborah said, eyeing Sirius weirdly.

“I see. If...if one of your Beaufort cousins would die, would they tell you? Invite you to funeral?”

“Sirius,” Deborah laughed,

“You're being weird. Of course I would be invited to their funeral.”

“What about...if they went to hospital?”

“Now you're being creepy, Sirius. What's up?”

Deborah seemed to be calm about his cousins in France so Sirius figured they would be alright. It was time to cook up some explanation.

“I...just miss my cousin. What if she's dead and I don’t have a clue,” Sirius said, trying to sound sad. Deborah came closer and Sirius let Deborah to put her arms around his waist.

“Oh Sirius. Never thought you were that kind of softie,” she said softly, enclosing him into hug. Sirius hated it, holding his breath for the whole time.

“But bear in mind she's a traitor. And they'll all die in the end,” Deborah said with that soft tone still, brushing the fallen hair out of Sirius’ face. Sirius fought against the anger he felt inside him.

“I see,” Sirius forced himself to say in the lack of better words. 

“So don't you have something to say to me, Sirius Black?” Deborah then asked and crossed her arms across her chest.

“I apologize my previous behaviour,” Sirius said instantly with his best mannered-tone there was. She giggled, obviously pleased with his polite tone.

“Oh Sirius. So, are you suggesting we should start to hang out with each other?”

Sirius hadn't seen this proposal coming, although he probably should have. 

“Isn’t that a bit fast?” He tried, but one look at Deborah's stern face told him there was no refusing this time.

“Fine,” Sirius submitted,

“I’m available for breakfast on Thursday.”

James would have early morning quidditch practise on Thursday so he could as well spend it in the Slytherin table, for the greater good. He needed to be in friendly with Deborah to hear the news of Beaufort cousin.

“That sounds wonderful,” Deborah exhaled,

“I can not wait! You seem like a new man, Sirius.”

Sirius smiled sadly at Deborah, who didn't pick up the melancholy of his betrothed. With a hasty goodbye she trotted the stairs down, where her girlfriends were waiting for her to share the latest news of her relationship. Sirius watched after her, not noticing James, Peter and Remus to step down the stairs.

 

“Merlin’s beard! What are you all doing here?” He asked after James had scared him deliberately,

“Eavesdropping perhaps? Get your own relationship problems!”

“No Sirius, we were having your back, just in case,” James said, patting Peter on his back.

“Petey alerted us, that you stayed here alone with some Slytherin scum. We came to see you get back to our tower in one piece.”

Of course the Slytherins wouldn’t attack him, he was Sirius Black. But he didn’t care, he was touched by the care his friends showed towards him. He had the best friends one could have, and he didn't know what he had done to deserve them.

 

“We live together, that makes us family, Sirius,” James continued, shifting his hand from Peter’s shoulder to Sirius’. Sirius just had to admit he loved James Potter more than his heart could comprehend.

“Gentlemen, you know we should have a radar that would show all the time where Sirius is located so we could take even better care of him”, Remus joked warm-heartedly.

“Oh yes! And it could it beep when ever Slytherins are approaching,” Peter agreed. Sirius just had to smile. 

“You idiots. Thanks mates. It’s good to have someones to have my back, I tell you.” Sirius said grabbing them all in to a big hug.

**Author's Note:**

> That's it. I feel like quite much left unwritten, but the story continues of course. The next part will be Remus' point of view.
> 
> The main title and the titles of chapters are taken from She Wants Revenge's song 'Tear You Apart'. The anxious beat waiting for something to happen describes very well a young and restless Sirius who just have entered teenage and doesn't yet quite know himself. Also the lyrics are about a crush, which suits for Sirius just had his first.  
>   
> [Song in Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/5uahjiKiYXxGlF4GdnKPNv?si=rERAK5r-QoWU1ZUKWoMC9g)  
> [Lyrics in AZLyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/shewantsrevenge/tearyouapart.html)


End file.
